


everyone says they want a spontaneous partner, but

by SubbyP



Category: One Piece
Genre: M/M, Marriage Proposal, Public Display of Affection, Sort Of, back in my groove for op which is this silly nonsense, lots of banters, spontaneous romantic comedy shit, zoro's off-the-cuff lifechanging decisions strike again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 13:30:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17663579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SubbyP/pseuds/SubbyP
Summary: How to propose to someone you're not dating.[9/23/19: Changed a couple words that were bothering me. Content otherwise unchanged.]





	everyone says they want a spontaneous partner, but

     “OI, COOK. MARRY ME.” 

     “–and how much for five pounds of the– ** _what??_** ”

     “I SAID,” yelled Zoro from clear across the marketplace, “MARRY ME.”

     Sanji placed the cantaloupe he had been examining back on the fruit display. “Excuse me, I have to go deal with this.”

     “No worries,” said the fruitseller, grinning.

     “Thanks. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MARIMO?”

     Zoro rolled his eyes. “GOING DEAF, CURLY? I SAID–”

     “I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID! AND STOP SHOUTING,” shouted Sanji.

     “Then what’s your problem?” said Zoro, in a tone of voice that wasn’t shouting but managed to be, to Sanji’s blushing ears, exactly as loud as before.

     Sanji sprinted through the market crowd, dodging shoppers, vaulting over crates, hurtling and hell-bent on rendering Zoro’s face decidedly more concave. “First of all–pardon me, madame– _First of fucking all_ –”

     “Take your time,” said the smug bastard currently ruining Sanji’s life.

     “– _FIRST OF MOTHERFUCKING ALL!_  Is this some kind of sick joke about Whole Cake?!”

     “I would never joke about that,” said Zoro with such sudden sincerity that Sanji faltered in his step and nearly kneed a toddler in the face.

     “Okay. Well. Good.” Sanji took a deep breath. “THEN! DO YOU HAVE WORMS IN YOUR BRAIN?”

     “Hey, don’t talk to your fiancé like that,” said some smartass in the rapidly gathering crowd around them.

     Sanji whirled towards the voice but was too agitated to pick its owner out of the crowd. “He’s not my– I haven’t even–  _He’s not my fiancé!”_

 _“_ Not with that attitude,” said the voice, making a serious go for the number two spot on the coveted People Destroying Sanji’s Immortal Soul Right That Second List.

      “Why in the  _fuck_ ,” said Sanji, turning back to Zoro and resolving to find the voice later and turn its owner into particularly rich and nutritious compost, “are you proposing to me out of  _nowhere_?”

     Zoro folded his arms defensively. “It’s not out of nowhere. We’ve been together for five years.”

     “As  _crewmates–_ HE MEANS AS CREWMATES,” Sanji informed the marketplace.

     “Besides,” continued Zoro above the dying echoes of the word “crewmates” as it bounced from nearby buildings, “we’re equals.”

     The thought of proud, combative Zoro just coming out and admitting what they both knew but never articulated was almost enough to shock Sanji out of his outrage. Almost. “That doesn’t!! You can’t just!!”

     Zoro barged forward, blushing slightly, uncaring of Sanji’s rapidly collapsing blood vessels. “I was coming over to help you with the supplies, and I realized I never want to not have you beside me.”

     “Don’t encourage him!” Sanji hissed, partially at the cooing crowd but mostly at his moron of a brain as it whispered  _Shit, that’s actually really sweet._ “You can’t just randomly ask someone to marry you!”

     “Why not?” Zoro said bluntly. “We’re pirates. And it’s not like I’m  _making_  you marry me; I’m just asking.”

     Sanji’s eye twitched. “BECAUSE YOU JUST  _CAN’T_ , OKAY? YOU CAN’T ASK SOME RANDOM PERSON–WE’VE NEVER EVEN–HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WOULD EVEN  _WORK_ –”

     “You should breathe or you’re going to pass out.”

     “I’LL PASS  _YOU_  OUT, YOU STUPID BIG STUPID FUCK IDIOT,” said Sanji eloquently.

     “Anyway,” continued Zoro, unheeding of Sanji’s brilliant repartee, “I’m not asking a random person. I’m asking  _you_.”

     Sanji’s traitorous and highly susceptible heart stuttered giddily against his ribcage. He could feel a blush erupting under his fair skin. His knees– and damn them for it–went just a little weak. Of course, this whole thing was still nonsense gibberish bullshit of the highest order, but goddammit if there hadn’t been something in Zoro’s eyes, in his voice and his posture, something, something…

     Something sincere.

 _No, though. Just say no. Just say no._ Sanji scrabbled in his pocket for a cigarette and put it to his lips.  _What are you doing? Why are you not saying no? Why have you not said no this whole time?_

_People are staring at you. It would be cruel to leave him with false hope. You don’t even like guys. Stop lighting that cigarette and do something, for the love of God just say no say no say–_

     “Do you love me?”  _THAT’S NOT A NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING THAT IS NOT A NO,_  shrieked Sanji’s brain.

     Zoro took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders, and looked to the horizon. “Wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t.”

     “Well, I don’t. Love you like that. You know.”

     “Yeah.” Zoro kept his eyes fixed on the horizon. Pirate-Hunter Zoro, the man who looked down the blade of death itself and smiled, the man who gave Sanji back his dream– “Sorry. I just–it was dumb. Sorry.”

     “So maybe,” Sanji said, hands and knees and heart shaking but voice clear as a bell over fog, “you can convince me to?”

     Zoro’s head whipped forward like a sail in a windstorm. “What?”

     “ _What?_ ” snapped Sanji at himself.

     “Did you just–”

     “I AM NOT SAYING YES,” said Sanji. “I’m saying you can try to court me.”

     “ _Court_  you?” Zoro said incredulously. “Are you a duchess or something?”

     Sanji blew out a stream of smoke.“Tick tock, moss, one-time temporary insanity offer, take it or leave it.”

     “Of course I’ll take it, but what’s with the Little Lord Fauntleroy shit? Do I have to sign a  _form_  or–”

     Sanji felt himself start to grin.  _Dammit. Sorry, ladies._  “And marimo stumbles off the starting blocks. A  _very_  poor first three seconds. Things are not looking good for the rookie challenger.”

     Zoro was grinning, too. “–do I need to fill out a  _dance card?_  Do you need anything  _brocaded?_ Am I supposed to go to the Baratie and, like, throw a glove at Zeff or something?” 

     “Fuck off and come help me with the supplies, decathlon-face.”

     “Because I can do that, I can throw a glove at him if that’s your thing, but you’re into some weird shit, curly.”

     “I mean, that should be obvious, shouldn’t it?”

     “…hey!”

     Laughing, Sanji ran for the fruit stand.


End file.
